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The Noble Thing to Do – Paul’s Tub Talk – September 11, 2016

10 Sep

A true patriot does this.

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Comfort Food – Paul’s Tub Talk – June 26, 2016

26 Jun

The world needs a little comforting right now. And what could be better than some good old fashioned comfort food – recommended by famous people.

Dementors Before Dinner – Paul’s Tub Talk – May 22

22 May

I was getting my groove on listening to the classic rock station yesterday when the dj interrupts my groove thing with this spiel about how terrible the world is using the most inflammatory extremist opinions. And I was like – shut the fuck up, you’re raining on my parade. I flipped that station off. I mean I flipped that station off.

Here’s the thing – it’s not like we don’t know about all this. The only people denying reality are the schills for exxon mobile – you know – the politicians. The rest of us are living with drought AND flooding, living with soldiers returning deeply wounded from a pointless bloodbath, living with the real economic situation – not the dow jones average.

The last thing we need is more soul-sucking fear mongering dementors in our lives. You know – drama queens.

I’m not denying there are individuals creating a lot of trouble on this planet. Individuals. The world isn’t against you or me – specific individuals are. JK Rowling taught us how to deal with them: Grab your wand and cast a Patronus to drive that narcissistic asshole back into the shadows.

Do it with me: Expecto Patronum. No, no, you gotta mean it. Think about the people you love and care about who make you feel loved as well. Now do it again with me: Expecto Patronum.

That’s the spirit!

These whining asshats think the world is going to end and if they keep doing what they’re doing it will. One at a time, put a stop to the stupidity, the ignorance, the fear. Cast your patronum in the face of evil and our love will prevail.

Earth Day Explodes! – Paul’s Tub Talk – April 24, 2016

23 Apr

Planting a tree for Earth Day is like hiding Easter eggs for Yom Kippur.

It’s totally nutso. Earth Day came about because of a massive oil spill, not a forest fire. Instead we should dumping goldfish in the ocean.

It Just Got Real – Paul’s Tub Talk – April 10

9 Apr

Virtual reality trumps reality, apparently.

The classic rollercoaster at Magic Mountain, Revolution, is now a virtual reality ride.

Because riding a rollercoaster isn’t exciting enough.

Bobalicious – Paul’s Tub Talk – March 27

27 Mar

I blame the hipsters.

If it weren’t for them and their demand for ‘texture’ in their food, my wine wouldn’t be so chewy.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day – Paul’s Tub Talk

16 Mar

There’s a reason the Irish are green, but it ain’t from envy.

Sharknado 4! – Paul’s Tub Talk – March 13, 2016

14 Mar


The sharks are back, but this time they have Canadian accents and bushy Cuban mustaches…

Star Wars Ep VIII The Force Takes a Bath – Paul’s Tub Talk – January 3

30 Dec

The next episode of Star Wars begins filming this week and our secret government agents from North Korea leaked the script to us!

These are the questions we want answered:

1) Where is the last Jedi when we need her?
2) Will Jar Jar Binks make a sudden appearance to save humanity?
3) Does the evil guy with helmet hair ever get laid?

Only the Force knows.

Tu Abuela – Paul’s Tub Talk – December 27

26 Dec

Ohhhhh, somebody has been hispandering this week and the results weren’t pretty.

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