New Year’s Heave

Best newspaper headline of the day! Kudos to the New York rag that plastered the image of the 2021 Baby heaving old man 2020 off the planet.

I don’t know about you, but the TV news shows that feel the need to do 2020 in Review programming make me retch. The last thing I want to review is the news from the last 12 months. I’d rather they play Eruption’s I Can’t Stand the Rain on continuous repeat till half the world is vaccinated, Biden is sworn in, and the Orange Psychopath is being safely treated at an undisclosed location in Botswana.

Everything got renamed this year. Nowadays I pandemic eat, pandemic sleep, pandemic binge watch. A lot of folks are also pandemic driving at twice the speed limit.  Haven’t tried that yet. Not sure my little Toyota Echo can do 130mph.

But the Echo has clocked 421,013 miles, which I think is impressive. This year alone I drove it 13 miles. The other 421,000 miles are from my previous life.

My mechanic (gay and very handsome, btw) is so impressed with the little car he did extra repairs without charging me. Apparently the rear wheel was about to fall off. Who knew that could happen? I asked about installing an electric motor in the future but he assured me my gas engine is good for another 100,000 miles.

If we don’t get this pandemic under control (looking at you anti-vaxxers) I’ll be 97 when the odometer hits that mark.

As the fictitious clock on our invented concept of time strikes midnight I’ll be rejoicing for everyone who made it through the year. It wasn’t easy for any of us; you get extra drugs, alcohol and sugar for making it to this year’s finish line.

Nature, of course, thinks we’re all batshit insane for exploding colorful gunpowder in the sky on what is otherwise another long winter night. Nature is trying to hibernate and we’re making noise as if we are killing each other with cannons and drones. [We’re actually killing each other by believing conspiracy theories. Much quieter but equally deadly.]

And so to you, the decipherers of fact over fiction, I wish you much tranquility after 4 years of turbulence. May your travels be many and all the wheels stay attached to your car.