I made a movie. Rather, I shot a movie. Two weeks ago. LONG TERM PARKING. It’s based on a book. A very funny book. A very funny, sexy, murderous book. Don’t feel socially responsible about this – everybody goes to heaven. Even the dog. Which is good. And then they get killed again. And that’s where it gets really good.
Next week I’m taking all that film footage and turning it into a movie. A movie that will make you snort beer all over your couch. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Should have put a plastic covering on that couch before you watch this movie. But you won’t remember. And you’ll have permanent beer stains on your furniture because of LONG TERM PARKING.
And it’s about time everybody gets what they deserve.
You deserve to have this autographed DVD of LONG TERM PARKING. Because you work hard and you need something to take your mind of that beer stain.
I’ll make your life better and send you that autographed DVD of LONG TERM PARKING. Because that’s the kind of guy I am: a mother-in-law baiter.
First you gotta do something for me. And when you do this thing before midnight tomorrow, you will possibly deprive Uncle Sam of some your hard earned money that he’s been coveting since before you were a twinkle in your father’s eye. It’s just like your uncle to covet what your father made.
But I won’t let that happen. I want you and your dad to get along. You should give him another autographed copy of LONG TERM PARKING. To show him you love him and want him to be happy.
But warn Dad about the beer on the couch thing. Because (again) that’s the kind of guy I am: a father repatriator.
Okay, you don’t have to do ALL of it right now. Save something for later. Like World Peace. Do world peace tomorrow after breakfast.
But right now you can do everything else by committing to LONG TERM PARKING. Put your money to work for you doing something that will bring you a lifetime – or at least 90 minutes – of unrelenting pleasure. Donate to finish LONG TERM PARKING.
I’m counting on you to be the kind of guy I am: a movie lover.