We’re going oiling!

I really don’t understand why everyone’s in such a tizzy over this little oil seepage off the Louisiana coast.

Sure, it’s stinky and kills all the dolphins, turtles, birds and fish. But it doesn’t  matter, because I buy my food in the store.  Besides, I don’t eat dolphin; reminds me of Flipper and failing swimming class in third grade.

But I have a solution to this sticky situation: If 8 million people would simply look in their garage for their five gallon gas cans, drive to the shore, kayak into the waves, and then siphon the oily goo into their little gas can, the whole thing would be taken care of.   They may have to do it again every month till, like, Christmas, but the whole matter would be solved.

I have even better news, though:  Thank God it happened when it did because pretty soon Tropical Storm Celia (or Hurricane) will sweep right in here, pick up a lot of the gunk then deliver it to our front doors!  We won’t even have to drive the 150 miles to the coast.  It’s like a gift from Santa Claus.

It will be the gift that keeps on giving.

Thank you, BP et al.